The Last Boss of the Bedroom
If you live in NY/NJ, all of your late night shopping is done in corner bodegas, Convenience stores stocked with all your late night essentials. Cat Food, Top Ramen, 25cent Little Debbies and any other foods you can find in boxes and cans. As my JC neighborhood becomes more swanky by the default of rapid gentrification, the stocked goods are changing to appease the palates of faux-sophisticates and art school kids who used to just frequent to ironically purchase 40oz bottles of malt liquor. So now you can catch any junk food with the prefix of “gourmet” on the aisles of your local hood market which is the pleasant by-product of poor people getting priced out of their homes.
On a recent late night run it hit the bodega like a pregnant lady in a famine. I racked up like a Japanese reseller on a Supreme release date, one of everything. Entemans? Check, Doritos? Check, Ben and Jerrys? Bong!
Then I hit the counter and as i attempted to top off this masterful shopping list with a bag of Reses Pieces i see this…..
I was under the assumption that they were Street Fighter condoms with the shape of the box being what is was and the sinewy skeleton of an unmistakably headbanded Ryu wishboning the pride of China, Chun-Li.
In my zeal I took my discovery to twitter and there i was told that it was actually a box of “Street Fighter Sex Energy”.
I stand corrected.
So it is actually a box of “every man ever existed dream fulfilled for real”
Who else hasn’t dreamed of going at it all night and concurrently throwing Hadoukens at a woman’s vagina?
You know who has the worst job in the world? Person who has to clean up your hotel room after you’ve been blowing your load on the ceiling from all that friggin explosive energy and dragon punching all the furniture. (hopefully you have a partner there with you)
Needless to say.. I did not buy a box as im afraid of the legal ramifications of going M.Bison on the unlucky lady in my household. When I move I would like to get back my security deposit, the scorched walls and floors stained with blood and other bodily fluids may prevent that.
All that and I forgot to get what i actually went to the store for, Milk. O_0
<3 Es’Q
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